For the Girls: Valentine's Gift Guide

Girls are very simple to buy for on Valentine's Day, chocolates etc. - so you're sorted, right?

WRONG.

Let me tell you a story. A girl I once lived with received a gift from her boyfriend. It was a simple silver necklace with a delicate heart on it. It was very sweet, it was very lovely - it was very boring. What added to the problem, was the girl in question was very particular in her sense of style. She was the type of girl that had yak's wool wrist warmers, a leather jacket before they became a "thing" and all the most colourful types of scarves you can imagine. Her jewellery was always a statement, and whenever you'd ask "where did you get that?" the answer would be along the lines of "from a shop in Kenya," or "from a market in Barcelona". So a simple heart necklace that was pretty, but not unique, was not up her street. Still, she wore it loyally until they broke up a few months later.

The moral to this cautionary tale is: confectionery, champagne, jewellery and flowers are all okay if you put some thought into the specifics. Had this sweet boy bought my old housemate a one-of-a-kind pendant that he found at a teeny stall at Portabello Market, and some gluten free chocolate cake, he would have been onto a winner.

So let's get to it. I have constructed a gift guide to suit every kind of woman, so you're bond to find something for your beloved, even if there is *gulp* a week to go.

1. Red Lipstick

You girlfriend is: A power woman. She spends her weeks working late, and weekday evenings going to bars with friends after work before running home to you, somehow still looking fabulous.


Make a classic addition to her make up bag, and buy her a lipstick You can't go wrong with red, and you can't go wrong with NARS. This particular shade, is the type that suits blondes and brunettes, and all skin tones, and at just £19.50, isn't going to break the bank. And just in case it isn't to her taste, get a gift receipt so she can treat herself to a different shade instead!

2. A Personalised Hamper

And sure, some twigs, if she's
that way inclined.

Your girlfriend is: indecisive. Between the hours of 6pm and 9pm on Friday night, she will have made four different plans, and you're never sure which one she'll go to. You always decide where to go to dinner because if you don't, you wouldn't have eaten since November.

Perhaps a little more effort than most gifts, but relatively easy to put together. You will need: her favourite wine, Hummingbird cupcakes, a USB with a playlist of some of her favourite songs, a DVD of a film you meant to go and see in the cinema but never got around to and big box to put it all in. Presented nicely, it's got the items that most girls would like individually, but would adore all put together.

3. A Come Together Box

Your girlfriend is: a cheeky minx. When you're out with friends, she'll give you that look, and you know immediately it's time to leave. At Sunday lunch with her parents, she'll stroke your knee under the table suggestively. And when you're alone... let's just say it wouldn't be wise to disturb you.

Now this is something you both can enjoy - and give money to charity! The charity, Unity, has launched a scheme, so when people make a donation of £20 to AIDS Alliance to help fight for safer sex for people all over the world, they’ll be sent a very special thank you: the Come Together Box. Included in the Come Together Box is:
- An exquisitely soft blindfold. No peeking!
- A luxury feather tickler – perfect for stimulating sensitive areas
- ID Glide lubricant to discover electrifying pleasure
- Sensuous game cards to add a touch of spice – from wicked foreplay to earth-shuddering climax
- Of course every box also includes a clear-looking, natural-feeling Skins condom – because the best kind of sex is safe sex.

Doing good has never felt like this before.

4. A Paper Rose


Your girlfriend is: a book worm. She reads all the time, and manages to do things like cook when she's engrossed in a bit of Jane Austen. That's not to say she's a loser, she loves to have a time in the pub like everyone else.

Flowers may be a little typical (not to mention double the price at this time of year) but there is no way your girlfriend won't love this literary paper rose. Not only will this show you care, it will last forever just like your relationship. Or if you dump her, a paper flower will be very satisfying to set alight along with pictures of you and your favourite jumper.

5. A Night Under the Stars

Your girlfriend is: a busy body. When she's not working in her creative job, she's travelling the world, going to the latest gallery openings and visiting the hottest new dinner spot. She probably thinks Valentine's is bullshit anyway, but you have to try, right?


Sorry to tell you, an item probably isn't going to cut it with this particular lady. Unless it's handmade, personalised or really fucking thoughtful. But I can't help you there. The advice I can give you is that doing something on Valentine's Day would be the operative word here. Something like visiting the Royal Observatory to see the stars, or simply setting up a picnic in a park would be much appreciated. Or if you're seriously loaded, a last minute trip to somewhere cold and fabulous like Copenhagen would sit very well with this special lady.

Hope this helps at least someone out there - and Happy Valentine's!

Five Signs You're About to Get Dumped

1. "Work is crazy."

A clear sign that things aren't going particularly well with your partner is when, suddenly, work is all they care about. You remember when you first started dating, work was just a weekday inconvenience that prevented you from spending every second together, and you would both be clock watching for 5:30 when you could shoot onto the tube and meet for a dinner that lasted hours.

Those days seem to have ended, and rather abruptly. You're not quite sure how it happened, but suddenly your other half is very concerned about getting that promotion and, apparently, you have "no idea" how much pressure they are under. Three hour dinners have been replaced by ready meals and shit TV while sex, well, let's just say it's been put on the back burner as your partner has a really early start tomorrow. And late a finish. Is it any wonder they're too tired for romance?

2. "Sorry, I can't."

In an effort to rekindle the fire that once was, you make an extra effort to send through some witty articles, suggest things to do on the weekend and even think ahead to the summer and forward on some particularly good holiday deals. What messages would have been met with appreciation, or at the very least a "lol", are for the most part ignored, or else shot down effortlessly.

You discover your partner is actually a very busy person. And, for one that doesn't plan ahead, they have made several unmovable plans and "I promised so-and-so we would so something"s without you knowing. On top of all that, despite the extra hours they've been putting at work, your partner is inexplicably broke. And without any free time or money, how can you expect them to be able to do anything with you?

3. "What message?"

You move into a different stage of "almost dumped" when getting ignored progresses to your partners' full on denial of the receipt of any of your messages. You've accepted that a YouTube video of a panda waving may not warrant a response every time, but when you ask whether they have plans this evening, or ask advice on some tax thing you don't understand, and finally ask "what's the matter?" and don't receive a response to any of these questions, alarm bells start to ring.

You finally ask face-to-face why they haven't been responding to your messages and you're met with a wide-eyed look of innocence as they say, "what messages?". Obviously there was something wrong with the Vodafone network this morning, and there have been issues with the latest iPhone software, and are you really sure you sent the message to begin with? Yeah, that's right. Take a long hard look at yourself.

4. "How have I been weird?"

A couple of things have been a little... off lately with your relationship. You can't quite put your finger on it, but it's about time to take it up with your other half. You sit down, calmly, and explain that things have been a little strange, and you're starting to wonder why. The explanations of work being crazy, being booked up with plans with friends, being broke, and not receiving your messages are briefly discussed and you sigh impatiently.

They throw up their hands, and ask you with a bewildered expression how you think they have been acting weird. You might have asked why they've been walking around wearing a scuba suit, smoking a pipe, all the while carrying around a fat, ginger cat. The reaction seems a little disproportionate to the question. And of course, because there has been no scuba suit/pipe/ginger cat, it's a little difficult to put into words how exactly they have been acting weird. How can one describe "weird" anyway?

5. "I promise, when things die down..."

That's it. You've had enough of the excuses and you sit down with your other half and ask what the fuck is going on.

Your partner's face changes. They touch your hand and admit (finally!) that things have been a little strange lately. What's more, they promise that they're going to make it up to you. That band you've been wanting to see? They're going to book tickets. That restaurant you've been meaning to try out? They're taking you next week. And on top of all of that, they throw in the suggestion of going on a mini-break, to "get back to us". We all know a mini-break means true love, so what are you worrying about?

Yeah, sorry dude, you're about to get dumped. Grab the cat and go.

Love of your life? You'll probably meet online

Dating website eHarmony will today reveal that from the year 2031, it’ll be more likely that you’ll meet a partner online than offline. 'The Future of Dating report,' commissioned by eHarmony.co.uk and compiled by The Future Foundation, reveals that from the year 2031 over 50% of couples will meet online.

Note: Generally leaving sweets on your keyboard makes it sticky
and prompts awkward questions as a result.

Of these, 38% will be via an online dating or matchmaking service (up from 17% today) and a further 12% will have their first meeting through other types of dating website. And by 2040, seven in 10 relationships will be able to attribute their coming-together to either online dating or online communication. As well as impacting on our personal lives, this is estimated to have a significant impact on the UK economy, contributing more than £256 million of consumer spending by 2030 – a real terms increase of 81% compared to today. 

Couples from the South East (22%) and East of England (20%) are the most likely to have met one another online, while the fastest expected growth in online dating by 2030 will be in London. Over the past decade internet access among UK 18-64s has more than doubled, from 43% in 2003 to 88% today, yet over the same period the proportion of couples finding love online has more than trebled and has continued to grow strongly since 2008.

Other significant factors behind the trend include the growth in smartphone usage, which makes online dating the easiest and most efficient way to meet a partner, with users able to review and communicate with matches at anytime from anywhere. More than half of online daters (52%) now use a smartphone to interact with their online dating service, and one in three use a tablet computer. Emotionally, the ‘stigma’ attached to both online dating, and the sharing of personal data online generally via social media, has dropped dramatically in recent years, with Britons living increasingly more of their lives online. Attitudinal research among UK consumers reveals that two thirds of people (58%) would use online dating if they became single in the future.

This tells us that not only is online dating becoming normal, it is becoming accepted, and it is on its way to being the way that couples form relationships. Dr Mariya Stoilova, researcher at relationship charity OnePlusOne said: ‘Online dating has become more culturally acceptable as a legitimate approach to finding a partner. While traditional dating relationships might take months to develop in the real world, online dating relationships unfold much faster.'

This may be true, but before you wholeheartedly agree, have a think about this particular scenario.

When you socialise with a new boyfriend, the inevitable question always comes up at around the ten minute mark: "So, how did you two meet?" In my case, cue an awkward glance at each other and a high pitched "umm?" from both of us, before finally, before the situation gets too awkward, one of us concedes to tell the story of how we met. "Actually, we met online, through a dating app."

The reaction is always quite similar, a raise of the eyebrow covered up by a well timed "aaah", before the conversation is moved swiftly on to how our jobs are going etc. Despite today's statistics, the awkwardness is obvious, and the judgement palpable, whenever I discuss the beginnings of my current relationship.

The findings from The Future of Dating report aren't shocking, or particularly groundbreaking - if the internet is being increasingly used for shopping, socialising and banking, then why should dating not follow suit? Though the statistics indisputably suggest that online dating will indeed become the norm, how long will it take for people to lose that eyebrow raise and let go of those preconceptions of online dating?

New Year, New Sex

 I'm thrilled to introduce this article by We-Vibe UK's very own sexpert, Rachael McCoy. For further information on We-Vibe, take a look at their website: http://we-vibe.com/ 

It’s the new year and with every Monday being called ‘Blue Monday’ it’s no wonder we need something to cheer us up. So indulge with Rachael McCoy, We-Vibe’s sexpert and her cheeky sex tips. Put the logs on the fire, throw down a rug, grab a glass of champagne and put the spark back into your love life…

1. Start as you mean to go on! If you are settling for bad sex or no sex at all, now is the time to do something about it. Write down what you really want and make positive steps to achieve it. No one else can change your situation other than you.  

2. Learn something new. It doesn’t matter how experienced you are as a lover, you can always learn something new. Do a workshop, it doesn’t matter how experienced you are as a lover, you can always learn something new. Do a workshop, read a book, go online and do some research. Forums for women are a great place to get lots of honest opinions and advice from ‘real women’ about what women really want. *I hold Master Classes for men teaching them how to make a woman orgasm, how to avoid ‘drama’ in relationships and I teach sexual techniques that every man should know!  

3. Challenge yourself sexually. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try sexually? What is stopping you? The more honest you are and the more you challenge yourself sexually the more confident you will become.

4. Build your stamina. Not just to get a great body but so you can maintain a great, physical sex session. Women feel exactly the same about lazy men in bed as men do about women that just want to lie on their backs during sex. Set yourself a little ‘sex workout’ where you spend 10- 20 minutes a day trying to build strength so you can last in the bedroom.


5. Rein it in. Speaking of stamina, practice holding back your orgasm during masturbation. When you feel the sensation coming, stop and then build it up again. The longer and more often you do this the longer you will be able to last when you are having sex which will please your woman and make your orgasms far more intense.

6. Try a new sex toy. The most exciting sex toy for couples that was launched last year was the We-Vibe 4. It is a couples vibrator that sits inside the woman as you penetrate her giving you both extraordinary sensations during sex. It is a luxury vibrator that allows you to have intimate, hands free sex while it stimulates her clitoris, g-spot and your penis all at the same time!


7. Change your positions. It may sound obvious but it’s something that many people tend to forget. Remember, every single position that you explore will give you both a different sensation, penetration angle and depth. The We-Book of Delights gives you 15 positions to try with clear instructions for him and her. It also gives you tips on how to discuss sexual topics with your partner and some love games.

8. Touch and tease. When your woman is giving you oral sex remember to touch her body at the same time. This will give her some stimulation and include her more into the ‘act’ which will make her enjoy it more and probably make her want to do it for longer.

9. Pillow placement. For deeper penetration put a folded pillow under your partners bum when you are in missionary and on top. The angle of you penetrating her will feel far more intense for both of you and it will also make it easier for her to lift her legs higher for even deeper penetration. Doing this with a We-Vibe 4 is inserted will give her some great g-spot stimulation too.


10. Don’t feel inferior if you need a little extra help to give your woman a g-spot orgasm. Every woman is shaped differently and will need a different stimulation to give her this incredible experience. A toy like the We-Vibe 4 will really help with this during sex as the g-spot massager will be doing a lot of the work while you can focus on the penetration. Every time you penetrate her your penis will push against the vibrator forcing it to press and massage her g-spot making it much easier for both of you to achieve an incredible orgasm. 

Only Fools Rush In?

I'm in that joyous beginning part of a relationship, also known as, The Honeymoon Period.

We've been together a few months, and are doing the typical first stage couple stuff: we're going out for dinner dates, we're having wonderful sex, jumping on each other anytime we're in the same room, we're arranging mini-breaks, we're going to gigs and pretending to like each other's favourite bands, movies etc. It is perfect. Nearly.

Our relationship can only be described as a whirlwind. From our first date (Laced in Chelsea) we have seen each other practically every weekend, taken each other to every event, and become very much intertwined in each others lives. We've each met one another's best friends, we know each other's likes and dislikes, we've argued, we've made up and now it feels like the whirlwind is picking up speed.

Let me reiterate, it has been only a few months, but we've already discussed the 'L' word. No, not love - living together. I mean, we spend a lot of time together already, and it would make sense as we live pretty far, so I'm not too worried. He's broken down the fart boundary, (I remain perpetually clenching) made me watch football and taken the piss out of my ability to do anything with numbers, which makes me think... how much worse could it get? But I have never lived with a boy before, aren't they smelly and full of, you know, boy cooties?

His is the pink one.

What worries me the most is that I do not wear the trousers. This is the first relationship I've been in where I can't have my way all the time, but the scariest thing is... I kind of like it this way. Essentially what is making me think so hard, is that I am totally cool with it. I'd live with him tomorrow if he didn't live in the attic of a house share an hour up the M40. Then, dear friend of mine raised her eyebrows when I mentioned moving in together, saying only, "be careful - you don't know anyone until you live with them, Steffi."

What my dilemma breaks down to is this: how do you know if things are moving too fast?

Will washing vegetables ever be this joyful?

In the grand scheme of things, its not a big deal. I have this friend, a free spirited and beautiful lady, who got engaged a few weeks after being romantically involved with this guy. Of course everyone was shocked, and the phrase "well, that was fast," was thrown around once or twice - but now look at them. Living in California, permanently tanned and never happier. Another friend of mine has been with her boyfriend for 8 years, and they're not living together - and no one cares. But who is anyone else to judge how fast is too fast for another couple?

In reality, it boils down to this: you're moving too fast as soon as you second guess yourself. So no second guessing for me - head up, look forward and think about what an exciting year this could be.