Get Your Panties in a Twist

There are lingerie shops and there are underwear shops. Make sure you know the difference before buying yourself a bewitching bedroom get-up. If you don't know, well, luckily I've done all the work for you. An underwear shop sells pants and bras for the sole purpose of covering your unmentionables. A lingerie shops sells basques, stockings and assorted undergarments for the dual purpose of covering your lady parts and oozing sensuality. In other words, buying underwear and buying lingerie is a whole different game and you should really know what you're getting yourself into before you buy it. Put simply: lingerie = sex.


From über sexy to über the top, lingerie shops consist of vastly different apparel to suit the needs of their clientele. This article reviews the good, the bad (in a good way) and the ugly of lingerie shops here in the UK in order to find you the perfect bedroom piece to impress the man in your life, or alternatively, to simply sashay in front of the mirror. You go, girl.


Ann Summers


In terms of lingerie, Ann Summers' latest revamp has been a huge success. Their new campaign has transformed the once 'trampy' lingerie shop into a rather desirable outlet for purchasing classy underwear that still makes a man want to whip out his unmentionable. Their other products, however, I was less than impressed with.

Lie back and think of England.

This may surprise you, but I'm not mad on sex toys. I've got a standard bullet, but if I'm perfectly honest, they intimidate the shit out of me. I've taken a look on a few websites for "the perfect dildo" (gah!)  but it never goes further than my online shopping basket and then I am secretly thrilled when my basket expires and my obligation to buy a sex toy disappears. 


After a few near online purchases, I decided to man up and go to Ann Summers where you can test the products (not on self obviously - vile thought - just feel intensities etc.)  and where I could talk to a human being rather than read an online review that boasts "you won't want to put it down!". Perhaps I only speak for myself, but I find that is a quality best attributed to books rather than any other bed-time activity.


I approached the back of the shop, which features shelves upon shelves of rubbery phalli, with much trepidation. I mean, I had been to Ann Summers before, but there is something rather different about going in with the sole intent of buying a lady pleasure maker. I tried to act cool, stealing glances at the varying shapes and sizes of vibrators and trying to calculate an estimated budget.
"Can I help you?" A sales assistant asked.
I got a little flustered but I managed to get my words out and ask for a (cringe) "beginners" sex toy. She talked me through the different textures, the different vibrations, the different sizes, blablasexybla.


"So, what exactly is the difference between a Rampant Rabbit and a regular Rabbit?" I asked, gaining confidence in my sex toy dialogue. Unfortunately, here is where the thrill of Ann Summers ended for me. She didn't have an answer for me and when she tried to demonstrate the vibrations of a selection of sex toys, they had all run out of battery. Then to top it all off, she pulled out a Rabbit that, I'm not even exaggerating, was about 2ft long. She saw my face which was a mixture of bewilderment and fear and then said, "I suppose it's not really the right choice for a beginner, is it?"


I walked out a little later having purchased nothing but a battery for my trusty little bullet, but with my dignity (and vaginal walls) still intact.


Stef Recommends: Kate Satin Cami Suspender (a sexy surprise with a sixties twist)


Agent Provocateur


The thing that annoys me about Agent Provocateur is that people buy it with a smug smile playing across their lips thinking that they're more 'classy' than the girl that spent a fraction of the price on her sexy lingerie. The fact of the matter is, Agent Provocateur sells sparkly nipple covers just like the next Sluts R Us.


There is no denying that the lingerie is beautiful. The silk and lace feels amazing on your skin and as soon as you put it on, you never want to take it off. Unlike some lingerie, everyone looks amazing in Agent Provocateur because it does something to your body that other brands just cannot do. The only bad thing about it is because it's a little too nice. The money that you spent on it and the reputation that the underwear has means that everyone is a little protective over their Agent Provocateur. The result? It doesn't get out much and when it's on, it is strictly for display only.

"Touch it and I'll let the dogs loose."

Going to Agent Provocateur is rather like going to a club in Mayfair. You finish your experience feeling luxuriant and satisfied, but you could have had far more fun going to your local, where no one cares if you spill anything.


Stef Recommends: Mercy Corset (difficult to put on, painful to be in, but beautiful to see)


Boux Avenue


Not to be confused with your run of the mill underwear shop, Boux Avenue is a delight in the broad market of lingerie. I walked into the shop in the Bullring, Birmingham, and it was like stepping into a scented escape from all the sweaty, Brummie shoppers. The whole store smells incredible and with the soft carpets and flattering lighting, looks exactly like the bedroom you've always wanted, or perhaps the walk-in wardrobe of Blair Waldorf.

My new dream wardrobe.

Not only does the shop look and smell fantastic, the lingerie on offer is as beautiful as its home. Boux Avenue caters for both sexy and pretty tastes so in the changing room you can try out as many looks as you like: Candy Girl, Sultry Seductress and Holy Hell Hot. And just you wait until you get in that changing room. The floors, like the foyer of the store are carpeted and the oval mirror is framed with sprayed silver. What's more, you can change the lighting from Dawn to Dusk so you make sure you can see yourself in the best, and worst, possible lights before someone else does.


The store has a luxury feel paired with affordable prices which is rare when it comes to lingerie in the UK. The selection in store isn't particularly large in the Bullring, but their website plays host to a huge amount of different styles of lingerie, making it one of the places to buy your undergarments in the UK. With a section on their website devoted to 'Babydolls and Petticoats', this store manages to stay right on the border of Cutetown and Fort Sexy, which is no easy feat, believe me.


Stef Recommends: Tori Satin And Lace Chemise (bedtime will never be the same again)


Sex Toy City


Unlike the metaphorical geographic location of Boux Avenue, Sex Toy City is the capital of Slut. But don't let that completely  put you off. After perusing their website, I discovered that Sex Toy City not only sells more sex toys than Ann Summers, it also caters towards all different sexual preferences (see Fleshjack). Each sex toy comes with a little note telling you what it is (again, see Fleshjack - I was enlightened) and what it is best for, rather than the rather unhelpful tips from the Ann Summers staff.


There's no point sugar coating it (though ironically, some of it is sugar coated) the 'Lingerie and Erotic Fashion' sold at Sex Toy City is what my grandmother would call "blue". The available attire is certainly not for the fainthearted, but it is my personal belief that everyone should have something a little avant garde in their underwear drawer. There is certainly a wide selection with body stockings and C-strings (a most innovative tight dress + VPL solution) as well as corsets and peep-hole bras and knickers. 

Talk about peep-hole.

If another person asks me how to spice up their sex life, I would definitely send them to Sex Toy City for some riskier than risque lingerie. If it doesn't serve quite the desired effect, at least you can both have a good laugh about that time he came home and you were on the kitchen table in latex peep-hole body stocking.


Stef Recommends: Dragonfly Fantasy Clitoral Strap-on Massager (look how pretty it is and you'll see!)

Fork Me! Top Tips For an Impromptu Sleepover

Have you ever woken up, stumbled to the bathroom and then felt the gradual realisation that, actually, this is not your bathroom? I have. And if I have, other people have, because let's face it, I don't get out much. If you have ever woken up in a place you have not planned to be and are lacking essential essentials for looking your best, here are some fool proof tips to get you out of there looking fantastic. Or at least not looking like you slept in a meth lab.

Fork It
I'm not talking about his penis you filthy-minded (and possibly sadistic) readers. I'm talking about your hair. The Little Mermaid may not know a thing about how to handle a sea witch, but my oh my has she taught me a thing or two about hair maintenance. Find a clean fork from the kitchen and lock yourself in the bathroom. Take the fork, and brush your hair with it. Yes, I'm being serious.

If Rihanna's doing it in public, everybody's doing it in secret.

Finger It
No, not that, for goodness sake. Being a surprise house guest can lead to many an awkward scenario, the top ten of which are to follow, but you could at least flash a winning smile before you get the hell out of there. So, assuming you don't carry a toothbrush in your clutch, slick a bit of toothpaste on your finger and rub it over your teeth and tongue, rinse with water and you'll be as good as... well as good as you can get your teeth clean with your finger.

Rub It & Slap It
Now you are beginning to disgust me. In this instance, I am not advocating Tulisa-style actions with your selected gentleman's love stick. In fact, I completely reprimand this action in any sexual scenario (reasons for which I'll get into in another article: Failures in Fellatio - watch this space.) I am talking about your face. On a night out, ladies tend to take out eyeliner, lipgloss and powder. While these will do the trick for refreshing your make up, your pale, sickly complexion the morning after the night before cannot be fixed by these products alone. Simply rub and lightly slap your cheek bones to increase blood flow to the area and find yourself looking refreshed and glowing. Warning: effects are temporary and may last up to 80 seconds; the exact length of the average awkward goodbye.

Ooh, and coffee helps.

Avoid It
Okay, now I am talking about his penis. Hungover and feeling dirty, excessive movement is the last thing you want to do if you in order to avoid vomiting on the first sleepover. Trust me, it ain't pretty and if you want to embark on another sleepover adventure, you'll have a lot of making up to do.

The best thing you can do is get out as quickly as possible to leave your date (be it impromptu or not) with the memory of you stumbling charmingly to his bed rather than lying corpse-like on his sofa until 4pm. Happy forking!