Why You Shouldn't Take Part in Vajanuary

All of us had to suffer through the month of November when countless numbers of men grew their moustaches - a month which was affectionately known as Movember. This was all in aid of a fantastic cause but ladies everywhere had to suffer from stubble rash after kissing a charitable man for an entire month.

Literally the only man that could pull off a mo - why don't other men understand this?

Now, ladies have a chance to get back at their man in a venture called: Vajanuary. Unlike Movember, Vajanuary is not an excuse to let hair grow to extreme proportions disguised as a worthy cause, this is simply for the sake of pubic hair growth. Reports have recently come to light that some people have actually raised money with their beaver beard - but how? The official website for Movember called for weekly photo updates to check your progress in hair growth. I dread to think that somewhere on the internet, there's a gallery specifically dedicated to pubic hair progress pictures.

[Pause to vomit in bucket/bin/hands]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's fucking disgusting. No one likes to see a bushy bush, and that includes the Peeping Tom sitting in your tree. Give him a wave - it's cold out there, he's clearly a trooper.

Say hi to Tom. Peeping Tom.

January is now drawing to a close, and I don't know anyone that's actually grown their panty-jungle. Although then again, why would I? Every time I ask people personal questions these days, people keep their deepest darkest secrets hidden, else they fear it will be spread all over the internet.

"So," I asked my group of closed girlfriends "is anyone doing... Vajanuary?"

"Bless you."

After I explained, my question was met with all kinds of ridiculous claims of invasion of privacy blablabla.

"Calm down guys," I said "I'll only write about it if it's really really funny, and even then you'll remain anonymous."

"No, Stef, we're not going to tell you if we have been waxing our vaginas recently."

Spoil sports. Essentially this means this story is poorly researched with little to no evidence of Vajanuary taking place. The lack of evidence, however, has led me to believe that either no one is growing their pubic hair or people have learned to be wary of me.

Look! There's literally a beaver in her pants! The little things amuse me.

Now the thing I, and I imagine people everywhere want to know, is why in the name of all that is holy would you take part in Vajanuary? I can only assume that it is a form of flagrant feminism that is, for once, kept under wraps.

The history of feminism has always been a loud and aggressive call for equality and an end to sexism in the workplace and at home. Feminism has always been a rather 'in-your-face' demonstration of women who want more. Examples include bra-burning in the streets of New York, vowing never to use a razor again and simply getting butt naked in Washington Square Park. At the time, this was a shocking and controversial way to grab the attention of those in power and point out that there really is a problem with sexual equality in the Western world.

However, times have changed. No, women have not achieved equality, but we're a hell of a lot closer than we used to be. I think it is totally unfair, let alone ignorant, to say that women haven't achieved anything since the '60s but, yes, there is more to be done.

Do people really think that participating in Vajanuary is going to make a feminist point? Feminists have grown their box curtains for years to get back at men but while it was mildly shocking (not to mention in vogue) then, it's simply a little bit gross now.

Now I'm not saying everyone go out there and get a Hollywood as it's goddamn painful to say the least, I'm saying don't participate in this ridiculous folly. Keep your vagina hair under control - it won't make the least bit of difference to anyone other than your boyfriend who may find he is being forced to floss a little more regularly.