Fork Me! Top Tips For an Impromptu Sleepover

Have you ever woken up, stumbled to the bathroom and then felt the gradual realisation that, actually, this is not your bathroom? I have. And if I have, other people have, because let's face it, I don't get out much. If you have ever woken up in a place you have not planned to be and are lacking essential essentials for looking your best, here are some fool proof tips to get you out of there looking fantastic. Or at least not looking like you slept in a meth lab.

Fork It
I'm not talking about his penis you filthy-minded (and possibly sadistic) readers. I'm talking about your hair. The Little Mermaid may not know a thing about how to handle a sea witch, but my oh my has she taught me a thing or two about hair maintenance. Find a clean fork from the kitchen and lock yourself in the bathroom. Take the fork, and brush your hair with it. Yes, I'm being serious.

If Rihanna's doing it in public, everybody's doing it in secret.

Finger It
No, not that, for goodness sake. Being a surprise house guest can lead to many an awkward scenario, the top ten of which are to follow, but you could at least flash a winning smile before you get the hell out of there. So, assuming you don't carry a toothbrush in your clutch, slick a bit of toothpaste on your finger and rub it over your teeth and tongue, rinse with water and you'll be as good as... well as good as you can get your teeth clean with your finger.

Rub It & Slap It
Now you are beginning to disgust me. In this instance, I am not advocating Tulisa-style actions with your selected gentleman's love stick. In fact, I completely reprimand this action in any sexual scenario (reasons for which I'll get into in another article: Failures in Fellatio - watch this space.) I am talking about your face. On a night out, ladies tend to take out eyeliner, lipgloss and powder. While these will do the trick for refreshing your make up, your pale, sickly complexion the morning after the night before cannot be fixed by these products alone. Simply rub and lightly slap your cheek bones to increase blood flow to the area and find yourself looking refreshed and glowing. Warning: effects are temporary and may last up to 80 seconds; the exact length of the average awkward goodbye.

Ooh, and coffee helps.

Avoid It
Okay, now I am talking about his penis. Hungover and feeling dirty, excessive movement is the last thing you want to do if you in order to avoid vomiting on the first sleepover. Trust me, it ain't pretty and if you want to embark on another sleepover adventure, you'll have a lot of making up to do.

The best thing you can do is get out as quickly as possible to leave your date (be it impromptu or not) with the memory of you stumbling charmingly to his bed rather than lying corpse-like on his sofa until 4pm. Happy forking!