Drunk Stef, however, thinks a little differently. It seems it is her mission for every evening I'm out to ruin all friendships, relationships, and most of my bodily organs. Now I'm not saying that Drunk Stef rears her head every time I have a glass of wine, but she does appear after a certain point- and with a vengeance.
It's like every tiny little thing that has been niggling away at me is suddenly a massive issue and is voiced by Drunk Stef to the offending person/inanimate object.
Most recently, Drunk Stef has done some serious damage to my relationships. It's true, I did have doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend previous to Drunk Stef's appearance; we were fighting a lot, we hardly ever spoke, there was committment issues on both sides and we were both a source of stress and annoyance in one another's lives, so not the ideal relationship by any means. The final straw came when he forgot that I had an assessed presentation, something I had been stressing about for weeks, and I saw red. I was so angry at him, but mostly hurt that he could forget something like that while I am expected to remember everything he does. It then struck me that he was actually a bit of a selfish person for numerous other, mostly silly, reasons, and I got it in my head that this guy who, fair enough always put himself first, was the most selfish dick to ever walk the planet. A bottle of wine and some overthinking later was about the time Drunk Stef showed up.
Now I've set the scene, I will go into the excruciating details (from what I rememeber) of what Drunk Stef did which has ruined my relationship with him. Firstly, she rang him telling him what an arsehole he was. Strike one. This went down well, after which we concluded we would just see each other at a mutual friend's birthday later that evening. A few hours later, I saw him at said birthday party and Drunk Stef was literally screaming obsceneties at him, and got pretty tearful. She did not consider his emotions. She did not care about the consequences. All that mattered to her was that he understood how she felt and understood that he was a horrible person. Strike two. Then, amidst all the screaming and shouting he said, desperately, "I love you."
"No you don't, stop lying to me! If you loved me you wouldn't make me feel like this! And I know I said I loved you but I just don't know any more!" she shouted back at him. It probably looked like that scene in The Exorcist when the little girl's eyes are all bulging and the devil's words come out of her mouth. Probably looked as attractive too. Drunk Stef thought the I love you was bullshit, and it was this that infuriated her more than anything and caused her to utter the words, "it's over," at which point he left, walked outside and after some more tearful talking, walked off. Drunk Stef did nothing to stop him. She didn't care that she had upset him, in fact she thought he had deserved it so she asked someone to slam the door in his face and got herself another drink.
Drunk Stef chose her moment particularly well, 3 days before her boyfriend had an exam, and 2 days before she had to hand in a 4,000 word essay. Nice one. She really is an awful, awful being and she really does have an innate ability to fuck everything up. The thing is, it's me that has to be held accountable for her actions, it's me that has to apologise for her and it's me that now has to deal with the consequences. Okay, fine. While alcohol can be used as an excuse for a lot of things, there's still a part of you in whatever drunken demon chooses to surface on a night out. And that's the part that has given me this horrible sicky feeling, because I am, I've realised, a bit of a horrible person. But hey, at least I'm not so heartless that I no longer know the emotion of guilt.
The guy still hasn't spoken to me, not that I blame him, and is ignoring my calls and texts. Who knows when he will decide to let me apologise to him... Any bets?
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