Christmas: Single vs. In a Relationship

Ah, Christmas, we know it well. Having gone through the tidings for 20+ years, we know the drill; family arguments, crappy presents, a dwindling bank account and let's not forget that extra 3lbs that takes 3 days to gain and 3 months to lose.

Is it any wonder that suicide rates double during the holiday season?



Anyway, I'm not one to be depressing during the festive period - I am a Catholic after all - so let's get to the point of this festive article.

If, during Christmas, your mind wonders to that oh-so-familiar opening scene in Bridget Jones "Bridget, you look like you've wandered out of Auschwitz," don't panic.  Christmas doesn't have to be as bad for singletons as years of Richard Curtis films have led us to believe. The reason I feel the need to mention this, is because, I think for the first time, each and every one of my friends is in a relationship. Or at least somewhere between married and dating. What? No embarrassing stories from the office party to regale us with over Christmas drinks? No reviews of the latest must-have sex toy?

Definitely too much filling.

Not this year. This year, we discussed our troubles when eating sandwiches, how sometimes we can't be bothered, and sometimes, when eating a whole sandwich, it can be nauseating, especially if there's too much filling. Sandwich, is of course, a euphemism (there were small children around). What has happened to us?

Single and Ready to Mingle Christmas


When you're single, you can go out clubbing on Christmas Eve, flirt inappropriately with the person you shake hands with at Midnight Mass - "and peace be with you..." - and not have to worry about all the annoyances you have to deal with when you have the aforementioned partner.

The Saturday night before Christmas is the time to dust off that Slutty Santa outfit (oh, come on, we all have one) and pucker up under loose strands of mistletoe dotted around every dingy pub in England. The Sunday after is the time you really regret kissing Ben from accounts, but it's okay because your friends can cheer you up with a mince pie and yet more mulled wine. And you can bet that one of them will have done something more embarrassing than you. (Except if you're me - I'm that girl.)

The PG version of what really happened at the Christmas party.
It's OK. What happens under the mistletoe, stays under the mistletoe.

Okay, so I suppose it can be quite nice to see the Christmas lights, and get a bit romantic after a few glasses of Veuve, but there are definitely some cons to being shacked up at Christmas.

Matching Jumpers Christmas

When you're in a relationship, you have to worry about getting a gift that hits the perfect balance between "I think you're great" and "But please God don't ask me to marry you". You have to get waxed at the time of the year where you're feeling the most wobbly and, to be frank, need the warmth wherever you can get it. You have to go for the mandatory Christmas Drink with his friends who will relentlessly discuss sport and/or The Hobbit while you nod enthusiastically.You have to spend time with his family including his flagrantly racist grandmother who perpetually confuses the word "fork" with "fuck" without even realising it, bless her racially intolerant socks.

By far the worst thing about being in a relationship at Christmas is the expectation. It is such a family oriented time of year, that the relationship you are in at Christmas immediately becomes a "big deal", as that is the person that your parents will remember until next year, vomiting in the shrubbery after too much champagne. Nice.

In the end, it was that glass wine that ruined him. Luckily,
it ruined his jumper too.

The real pain of it is, that everyone single at Christmas wishes they had someone to buy a gift for, someone to snuggle up to in front of a shitty Christmas film and someone to see in the new year with. And as much as we all complain about boys, they are quite nice to have around from time to time, because with all the cons of being with someone at Christmas, there are some cracking pros.

(Excuse the Christmas pun, but I've done so well, give me some slack.)