Olympics Shalympics

So the Olympics officially opened yesterday to what can only be described as an awkward start. Tens of thousands of people swarmed in Central London to mark the beginning of the historic event London has been preparing for for years. Good ol' Boris dove straight in by mentioning Spain's economic problems before grinning manically at the cameras, occasionally letting out a strangled cheer and a vague allusion of happiness, pride and great anticipation. Everyone cheering took a second to look at each other. "If we scream loudly, no one will notice what a shambles this is going to be."

After an appaling exit from Euro 2012 as England were defeated by the Italians, followed by Andy Murrays crashing defeat to Roger Federer, it has become clear: Britain doesn't win sports. That's okay though, because it's the taking part that counts. However, London is actually hosting the event, so it's not just pressure on the sportsmen, it is pressure on everyone in charge and the cracks have already started to show.


First it was G4S, staring at their shoes and admitting, "actually, we still need over 3,000 people to work security... mumblemumble." Next, it was border control threatening strike action and, in a related incident, an 11-year-old boy managing to get to Rome without a passport or boarding pass. Hell, if I knew it was that easy, I would be there right now. And, to top off the embarrassing list of Britain's headlines over the past few weeks, the next US President doesn't think we can pull it off either.

After Mitt Romney expressed his doubts about London's abilities to successfully host the Olympic Games, David Cameron responded by saying "Yeah, well, at least we're doing it in a city and not in the middle of nowhere like you did, Mitt 'Millions' Romney." So, I paraphrased. In what has turned into a playground fight between Britain and the US, Boris Johnson had the last laugh yesterday when he told crowds gathered in Hyde Park, "I hear there's a guy called Mitt Romney who wants to know if we are ready. Are we ready?" The Mayor of London was met with a resounding yes from the crowd, though whether London is ready remains to be seen over the next sixteen days. The funniest thing about all this? The Washington Post thinks Johnson was joking around during his Olympic speech. No, no America, he's really like that.

Am I the only person that has not been infected by what Boris Johnson has coined 'Olympomania'?



I know people that have spent four figures trying to get a ticket to the Olympic Games. I know people that have travelled far and wide to get to London. Whatever for?

Many of you will answer that simple question with a simple answer: for making history. The Olympics are indeed the most prestigious games, though those well remembered are often remembered for the wrong reasons: pissed of dictators and terrorist attacks. There is no denying that London 2012 is a historic event, and in years to come you may look back in pride and say, "I was there when Bolt won." However, in years to come, your memories of the Olympics will be told to your bored grandchildren who have to sit through your "and then, I swear it, his sweat splattered on me in the crowd," at least 28 times. 

"Interesting if true. But I know you're bullshitting, Grandma."

Yes, this article has much to do with my own feelings towards sports and exercise, and yes, most people will not care for my opinion. I'm not saying that I won't watch the Olympics at all, but it might be just to watch Tom Daley diving without feeling like an incorrigible pervert.