The Most Effective Way to Shift the Pounds!

I am currently suffering, yes suffering from tonsillitis. I cannot eat, I can barely swallow and I randomly break out in cold sweats without warning. It is not a fun illness, but I was always a positive person so here's my attempt at making light of a terrible situation in which I cannot even comfort eat. 


P.S. (pre script) You have to imagine an American saying the following for it to have any comedic effect. Try Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, remember her?

Now do you remember her? It doesn't matter, you get the idea.

Over the last three days, I have lost 5lbs (and counting) by lying in bed all day watching rom-com after rom-com. I hear doubt over the cyberwaves, but it is true. And how did I manage it? By contracting tonsillitis of course!

What is tonsillitis?
For those who don't know tonsillitis is a yucky illness that makes your tonsils swell up to the size of golf balls and causes pus to cover your tonsils and tongue. Eww! It also causes, like, flu like symptoms making you lethargic, nauseated, shivery, then, like, hot, then shivery all day long. Along with that goes a huge pounding headache that feels a bit like Sunday mornings, but it doesn't go away. I know, sounds awful right? But in reality, it's totally awesome- you lose tons and tons of weight!

How does it work?
As your tonsils are so swollen, swallowing, like, anything hurts, so it's best to stick to, like, ice cubes which soothe the throat or hot teas. Yummy! Chicken soup is, like, mama's recommended medicine if you get hungry, but tonsillitis throws your appetite anyway so you probably won't. Yay! And despite not eating anything, your reaction to the antibiotics the doctor puts you on will have you running to the ladies room ten times a day! Amazing!

How do I get it?
For a quick way to lose weight, why not give tonsillitis a try? The great thing about tonisillitis is that it's super easy to get hold of, and totally free! The best way to contract it is to be in close contact with someone who has it and by wearing down your immune system with long walks in the rain with no clothes on. Or better yet, french kiss someone with the illness right after an ice cold bath! Super fun!

For more information go to:
www.iamastupidamericanthatwilldoanythingtoloseweight.com/exceptnoteatingcheeseburgers

Or for ways to deal with weight issues go to:
www.fuckyouimnotthatfat.com/okaybutgodthinksimpretty