Size does matter, after all. Sorry boys.

The Question

After news broke that scientists found evidence that a man's penis size has a direct correlation to his attractiveness, the male population all cried in unison, "I knew it!"

It has been long suspected by men everywhere that size definitely matters, and there was some evidence to back that up. Cast your minds back to Sex and the City, in the episode where Samantha finds the man she's fallen for has a penis the size of a lipstick. They try everything from rigorous foreplay, sex toys and finally resort to couple's therapy when Samantha blurts out to her therapist, "his penis is too small." James responds angrily to Samanatha, "Have you ever thought that your vagina is too big?!"

But, Sex and the City aside - has man's worst fear finally been confirmed?

The Sciencey Bit

In the journal Proceedings of the National Acadamy of Sciences, lead author Brian Mautz found that it was scientific fact that attractiveness is linked to penis size. In a study conducted with women in Australia, Aussie men with a bigger didgeridoo were found to be more attractive.

Mautz explains: “As you increase penis size, the amount of attractiveness scores gets bigger” in a linear fashion, until 7.6 centimeters, or 3 inches. After three inches, attractiveness still increased, but in smaller increments.

Not only were the ratings higher, but the women also spent more time gazing at the generously endowed figures, a sign they preferred looking at them as opposed to figures with smaller penises. Other findings from the study was that women with a higher Body Mass Index were more likely to rate a larger penis higher, and tall men with small penises were rated lower than short men with a penis of the same size. And why? Apparently, this is all to do with proportions. A larger woman, which does not affect vaginal width, would prefer a man with a larger penis as it would be "proportionate" in the act of sex. Similarly, a tall man with a large penis is deemed to be more attractive because of the proportion to his body, as opposed to the actual size of the penis.

The Debate

But back to the point: does size really matter? Science says yes, and popular culture would agree but I believe this is an area which deserves a dedicated person (with a little too much time on her hands) to explore openly, willingly, and with a little help from the rest of the female population. That's me by the way.

Of all the women I asked "Does size matter?" no one could give me a straight answer.

One perfectly succinct answer was as follows:

"Hmm, an interesting question. So, it really depends... I mean no one wants to have to search for it, but I think girth is more important than length. But, if you don't know how to use the tools then - Ain't nobody got time for that!"

And this statement largely summed up how women feel about penis size. However, there was of course one (there always is) that said "I need a big cock to turn me on. How can I get aroused when I reach down for the gear-stick and there's a cigarette lighter in my hand?"

Primary Evidence

One particular man I dated - how do I put this delicately? Had the biggest thing I've ever seen. All the girls talked about it. One of my friends touched it while we were dating (sufficed to say we're not friends anymore). All the guys talked about it. When he grabbed breakfast in just his boxer shorts, silence descended in the kitchen. Everyone paused from their breakfasts and looked up from their newspapers. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that his penis was famous.

All around campus, gossip girls would whisper, "I've never seen it, but I've heard it's a monster." And you knew exactly who they were talking about.

Unfortunately for this renowned cock, there was an incompetent man attached to the end of it.

Conclusion

My experience, size doesn't matter one bit. If you read any of my previous articles, you will know that there are several factors that affect the average sexual experience including love, alcohol, etc. A man in bed who has stamina, a good idea of where to find the clitoris, a penchant for foreplay, a basic regard for human hygiene,  and enough condoms to go all night - now that's what a woman really wants.

And one final thing...

It's no secret that men are competitive. Let's be honest, I've never met a man who could admit to me that not a single decision in his day is made by his appendage. Let's start a war with this list of country's average penis size! (Descending, puns also descending.)

Republic of Congo, 7.1
Congo, don't go.

Ecuador, 7
It's fine if you're an Ecuawhore.

Ghana, 6.8
Ghana get me some of that.

Colombia 6.7
Colombian tug lord.

Iceland 6.5
When it's ice cold? Impressive.

Italy 6.2
That's how you pack salami.

South Africa 6
Let's fly South for the winter.

Sweden 5.9
No wonder there's Eden in Sweden.

Greece 5.8
Olive a Greek sex god.

Germany 5.7
Zis is how ve do it do it.

New Zealand 5.5
Haka up.

United Kingdom 5.5
Do it for your country.

Canada 5.5
Skin a bear and get me there.

Spain 5.5
No Spain, no gain.

France 5.3
I'd try that baguette.

Australia 5.2
Mind that didgeridoo.

Russia 5.2
From Russia with love.

USA 5.1
The land of opportunity.

Ireland 5
Luck is with the Irish.

Romania 5
Don't give me mania.

China 4.3
No wonder they're whiners.

India 4
Curry on without me.

Thailand 4
Hesheshehe, why land.

South Korea 3.8
Shoulda gone to Specsavers.

North Korea 3.8
No seriously I can't see it, I need to go to Specsavers.

Latitude Festival: A Preview

Everywhere you look, the wellies are discounted, the tents are 2 for 1, and hair and make-up accessories are looking a product of Madonna and David Bowie’s illegitimate love child. What does this all mean? Festival season is upon us.

The official kick-off to festival season is Glastonbury which begins this weekend. Attended by celebrities of the highest caliber and with attendees wearing only one brand of wellington (Hunters, dahling), accompanied by a certain farmer jacket, Glasto is "the posh one" and the one that everyone who is anyone wants to go to. Over the years, however, more and more festivals have cropped up at this time of year to cater to the different tastes and locations of people that want to have a dirty weekend in the country. Not that kind of dirty.

While we can reference Reading, V Fest, T in the Park and Wireless to name a few, there is one festival that sort of stands out. And that festival is Latitude.

It markets itself as "more than just a music festival" and it is not wrong. 

If you had to write a list of the best bands, comedians, DJs, speakers, films, art, fashion, food (the list goes on), the chances are it would look a lot like the line-up for Latitude. With 23 sub sections, the line up for this four day festival reads more like an excessively extravagant wish list than a real festival line up. Sure there are some acts that you won't have heard of, but that's the magic of a festival like Latitude; you go in with an open mind and come away with a host of new songs to download, podcasts to listen to and a wacky painting of a toilet to hang on your wall. Err, so perhaps that last beer wasn’t such a good idea before purchasing art you intend to display in public.

Latitude is the festival that has something for everyone, but of course this means that not everything can appeal to every attendee. I myself, for example, will be avoiding Germaine Greer like the plague, because, quite frankly, she terrifies me. I fear she may be able to smell my hopes of getting married and having children and lecture me to death. I will, however, be rushing to see Russel Kane who I happen to have a teensy crush on (guyliner does it for me, what can I say) and seeing lesser known bands like Swim Deep sing their sweet little hearts out while I munch on one of the many culinary delights sold at the four day wonder-fest. My only concern for this festival of festivals, is that, with so much ground to cover, I won't have the time to do everything. But then again, there's always next year.

I expect to come away from Latitude with my belly hurting from raucous laughter, my feet hurting from my wild dancing and my head hurting from what is likely to be an accumulative hangover. Looking at that vibrant toilet picture certainly won’t help. With such a smorgasbord of activity, what I am most looking forward to at Latitude festival, is the unexpected.